Stupid Things People Say to Writers (and how we'd like to respond)

by Edie Melson @EdieMelson


Below is my list of comments I�ve received over the past years since I�ve admitted to being a writer. 

In the parenthesis after each comment is what I wish I could have said. 

I�m happy to report I�ve not given in to the temptation�yet.


1. Aren�t you published yet? (I really don�t have the space here to get into this. I usually just do a mental eye-roll.)

2. Can I give you a call so you can tell me how to get published. (Sure, it�s so easy I can cover it in a phone conversation.)

3. I have an idea for something you should write about. We could split the profits. (yeah, I do all the work and you get half of almost nothing. Sounds like a deal to me�)

4. I just wrote a book, can you contact your publisher/agent for me? (I could, but you really wouldn�t like what I had to say about you.)

5. Why don�t you take the day off, it�s not like you work for a living. (unprintable reply)

6. Can I read your manuscript? (Like I don�t have enough stress in my life already)

7. Writing must be the easiest job in the world. (If you like 20-hour days, pennies per hour, horrific critiques, and serving up your heart for others to chew on daily.)

8. Anyone can write a book, what else do you do? (see number 6)

9. You should get that published. (Really? Like I hadn�t thought of that.)

10. I�ve heard that if you�.you�ll be a much better writer. (Nothing I like better than advice from someone who has no clue.)

11. Aren�t you finished with that yet? (Of course I am, I just decided not to try to get it published.)

12. I hate reading, it�s such a waste of time. (unprintable reply)

13. Have you ever written anything I might have read? (Yes, if morons could read.)

14. Will you read my manuscript? (*Screaming and running in the other direction*)

15. Are you still doing that writing thing? (Believe me, if I could quit, I would.)

16. When can I get your book for free? (What part of �I do this for a living� do you not understand?)

17. Can you edit/write my essay for me? (I write commercially, not academically. There is a difference, and I could probably guarantee you a failing grade.)

18. Will you make me a character? (Only if I can kill you.)

19. What do you do with all your spare time? (In the vein of number 17, why don�t you come over and find out�)

20. My book doesn�t need editing, my high school English teacher went through it for me. (There are some teachers who know about writing commercially, but they are in the minority.)

21. Writing, can you make a living at that? (Well, theoretically you can.)

22. I thought you were a real writer, these are just magazine articles (or blogs or devotions or any number of other things). (Yeah, they pay me and give me deadlines because they don�t have anything better to do.)

23. Why don�t you take me to lunch, I know all authors are rich and famous. (Obviously you don�t know any other authors. Most laborers in third-world countries make more per hour than authors.

24. Writing, it must be nice to make so much money for not doing anything. (Yep, I lay around all day watching TV and eating bonbons.)

25. My book is perfect just the way it is. God gave me every word and I�m not changing a thing. (Let me know how that turns out for you.)

These really are things I�ve heard more than once. I used to get frustrated or try to educate those I spoke with. Now I just keep a list. Well, actually I keep two. 
  • One, of all the stupid things people say to writers. 
  • Two, character sketches of those I can add to my stories. (Never underestimate the ability of writers to get even.) 

I�d love to know what folks have said to you. Be sure to add your thoughts in the comments section below.

Don�t forget to join the conversation!
Blessings,
Edie

TWEETABLES
Stupid Things People Say to Writers (and how we'd like to respond) @EdieMelson (Click to Tweet)

What stupid things have been said when you admit to being a writer? Thoughts from @EdieMelson (Click to Tweet)

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